Couples quiz: 5 financial questions for a long-lasting relationship

When things get heated, it can help to remind yourselves that you’re both on the same team. “Even if one of you earns more than the other, it’s important to treat each other as equal partners,” says Debra Greenberg, director, Retirement and Personal Wealth Solutions, Bank of America. “Approaching your finances as a team can help meld different spending and investing styles necessary to achieve your shared financial goals.”

That doesn’t mean you can’t keep separate accounts. Just set aside a time each month to review your combined assets and liabilities and talk about whether you’re on track to meet the goals you’ve set out for your future together. Some couples, adds Greenberg, agree to stick to individual spending limits—and consult their partners before going over them.

Check out “Juggling competing financial goals” for more ideas.

Early in your relationship, sit down together and draft a list of the top goals you both want to achieve over the next five, 10 or 20 years, making sure those goals are both fair and manageable. They might include such things as paying off credit card debt, saving for a home, continuing your education, traveling the world or starting a business.

“From there, it’s important to review your progress on a regular basis,” says Greenberg. “Having regular check-ins is important. All the plans you make can be quickly upended by new jobs, new expenses and new babies," she adds. At some point, you might want to consider talking to a financial advisor who can help you manage your finances, monitor your progress and stay on track.

Use the “Life Goals Assessment Tool” to help you identify your top priorities.

From diapers to dental bills, daycare to K‒12, it costs $284,570 to raise a child through age 17.¹ That can be a difficult number to even fathom when you’re thinking about starting a family.

And then there are other equally important matters you’ll want to consider, including the financial values you hope to share with your children and how to teach them about sound money management.

A key financial decision is when to begin putting money away for your children’s education. “Saving as early as possible with tax-efficient 529 plans could help you set aside money for your children’s education, while reducing potential future borrowing,” says Polimeni. “Even if you don’t have children yet, parents can open an account in their own name before their child is born, and then update the beneficiary to the child’s name after the birth.”

Check out “What expenses can a 529 education savings plan cover?” for more information.

Creating a blueprint for a shared life after work can help you answer that question. Start by having each of you jot down a list of what you want from life in retirement. How long will each of you work? Where will you live? How do you want to spend your time? Will travel or volunteering play a large part? Then review and update your lists every year. "Make this conversation part of an annual heart-to-heart about your financial life together—where you are and where you hope to be," says Greenberg.

As you get closer to retirement, have some long talks to work out the differences between your two lists of retirement aspirations and figure out a plan for accommodating each of your most important priorities. Examining the financial impact of different retirement dates or the cost of a specific pursuit can help you begin to see what’s possible—and what trade-offs you may have to make.

Check out “Do you have a retirement spending plan?” for more information.

You and your partner may have differing views about the legacy you hope to leave: What will you contribute to the causes that are important to you? How much will your kids inherit? Some couples like the idea of passing along an inheritance to their children while they are still alive so they can be there to enjoy helping them pursue their dreams. Others may want to involve their children and grandchildren in making charitable gifts together through a donor-advised fund or a trust.

“But planning your legacy isn’t just about the money you leave behind,” says Hindman. “It’s about the values you’ve shared, the memories you’ve made—and the steps you’ve taken to prepare your loved ones for a time when you will no longer be here.” Putting documents in place to help ensure that your wishes are honored regarding your medical care and financial decisions can make life easier for those you love. 

Check out How do you want to be remembered? for more tips on planning your legacy.